Zohan, A Review
Those of you who plan to watch the movie “Zohan” starring Adam Sandler would find it better to spend your 150 pesos on another film. With the skyrocketing cost of living, you have to be selective in where your entertainment money goes.
Zohan (Adam Sandler) is an Israeli soldier, a counter terrorist specialist to be exact. His capabilities are superhuman – he can duck from a bullet, even stop it with his bare hands. He is incredibly strong. He excels in every martial art and he is an expert in hand-held weapons. His battlefield IQ is phenomenal. But more importantly, he is an adroit lover, and more than adequately “gifted” for the task. He can play tennis without using his hands. To flaunt his gift, he often walks around with his crotch exposed, or otherwise bulging in his scant cycling shorts. He is everything James Bond is and more, except that he does not have the finesse or the taste in clothes. No wonder all the young, bikini-clad Israeli girls love to be around him.
But he is going through a personal crisis. He wanted to leave all the violence in order to pursue his true passion – to be a hairstylist. Imagine that! Leaving all those hot, Israeli girls behind! So he came up with a plan. He drew his Palestinian nemesis, the Phantom, into a battle were he made everyone think he was killed. But in fact he actually sneaked out of his homeland into a section of New York where all the middle easterners, Arabs and Israelis, live in tense co-existence. There he acquired a new identity – Scrappy.
His journey into becoming a famous hairstylist was tough. He had to deal with the doubters, the racists and the even with the Arabs. And as fate would have it, he ended up working for a Palestinian woman, Dalia (played by Emmanuel Chriqui). But it was not his hairstyling prowess that drew the hordes of fifty-something females into the salon, it was the sexual encounter of a lifetime that he offered as part of the package. He was an overnight success! Until one day he realized he has actually fallen for his boss, Dalia. There is really something about Palestinian woman that makes them irresistible to strong, long haired Israeli men (think Samson).
Before their love story reached its happy conclusion, the writers remembered to insert a conflict that needs to be resolved. The Arabs have finally uncovered Scrappy’s identity and called for his nemesis, the Phantom, to finish the job he has left undone. But before the two could duel to death, another problem cropped up. Mr. Walbridge (played by Boxing announcer Michael ‘Are You Ready to Rumble’ Buffer), the rich man who owns the properties in the Arab-Israeli neighborhood, needed to evict all of them so he can build his large commercial complex. Unable to do that peacefully, Walbridge fomented a riot between Arabs and the Israelis in the hope of being able to get rid of all of them in one go. But with the survival of their fellowmen threatened, the Phantom and Zohan learned to work together, with a little push from Dalia who, it turns out, was the sister of the Phantom!
The problem was solved; the Walbridge was put to prison; Zohan and Dalia got wed and the Arabs and Israelis lived happily ever after. By way of suspension of disbelief, this movie is even more hopeful than Walt Disney films.
There are plenty of funny moments in this film. But what I didn’t like is this: through the whole film, the way Zohan flaunts his crotch and abuse those old matrons is just gross. You would lose your appetite for lovemaking for one week. Don’t let your kids watch this at home or you will get a call from their principal in a few days after they manifest this behavior at school. Even the movie “Deuce Bigolow” would seem tamer. Furthermore, what’s the point of casting a hottie like Chriqui when you do not intend to fully develop the love angle between her and Sandler?
If you want a good plot from an Adam Sandler film, skip this and look for “Spanglish.”
